Coming soon to a future near you…
“…as we prepare to leave the platform, please remember to keep your hands and arms inside the cabin at all times. Open-toed shoes including flip flops or sandals of any kind are prohibited; we are happy to provide you with alternative footware for the duration of your experience. Please press the green call button on your passenger console to alert an attendant drone. Your safety is our first priority; providing the thrill of a lifetime is a close second. Virgin Mindflight® proudly offers Starbucks coffee and coffee beverages along with the Coca-Cola brand family of soda, juice and bottled water products during our complimentary beverage service.
In a moment, your Mindflight® personal corona will begin to glow. This is your signal to attach your personal corona to the contact posts on either side of your forehead. You should feel a firm click as the corona seats, followed by a pleasant citrus taste and aroma, our default confirmation flavor that lets you know you are receiving input from the Mindflight® system. If you like, you can change your confirmation flavor to one you prefer by using the touchscreen to select “change my settings” on your passenger console. Our newest flavor is Irish Cream, a delightful synthesis of the famous spirits of Old Ireland and Arabica essence from Columbia, Salvador, Zimbabwe, & Papua New Guinea.
Your experience today will be a fully-immersive sensory vacation. Your mind and body will be swept into a ®Mindflight vortex where you will experience weightlessness and flight without vertigo or nausea. Some passengers experience mild disorientation at first — this is normal. But once you adjust to the new stream of sensory input, you will soon find a sense of freedom that you haven’t known before!
One final note of caution: DO NOT REMOVE YOUR CORONA once the experience begins. SERIOUS AND PERMANENT COGNITIVE IMPAIRMENT MAY RESULT! You may call an attendant drone for assistance at any time…”