In Memory of Onyx Reid Orion
Family & friends, we are together today in the memory of Onyx Reid Orion, a remarkable soul whose time with us was fleeting. That we are together here today to surround Anthony and Katelyn with our love and support is a testament to what this child’s life meant and what it will continue to mean to so many people.
Love, an abundant outpouring of it, marked his arrival. And this same abundant love marks his passing. It is with us here today. This is an enduring gift Onyx leaves to his parents and to all of us. Love. And the reminder of the force it can be in our lives.
For most of us, myself included, the loss of a child is unimaginable. Even those of us who are planners and like to think ahead to imagine every possible outcome. The mind resists contemplating a loss so profound and devastating. It is important for you Katelyn and you Anthony to feel the love we all have for you in this moment, as you face the unimaginable. We love you. Your own parents, brothers, sisters, grandparents, aunts and uncles and friends. Your families by choice, by marriage, as well as by blood. You are loved.
In times of loss we can be comforted by reminders of what endures. Our faith traditions, as varied as they might be in practice, all emphasize one particular enduring force: love. You will hear people say when they first become parents that something changes in them. In an instant you are transformed. And that transformation is total, indelible, and enduring. The feeling that accompanies that change is overwhelming and…good. It is a feeling of love for another all the way down to the core of your being. In every cell. When another perfect, beautiful human like baby Onyx arrives, we are never the same afterward.
What is that feeling? That powerful force that changes our whole world, that causes us to decenter ourselves in the world and invest all of our hopes and dreams in the life of another. It is love.
It is a special kind of love. Different from the dizzying rush of our first romantic crush. Different from the devotion we feel to a spouse or partner. The Greeks have a word for it that you might know from the Bible: agape. It is not easy to define but it is often described simply as the love a parent has for a child.
Agape is the word that appears in Paul’s letter to the Corinthians in the passage we most often hear at weddings. In that letter, Paul takes up two things that we can take some comfort from. One is that love, after all and above all else, endures. The greatest of virtues, love never fails. Love is patient, love is kind. Love is there for us, even when all else fails.
In the Jewish tradition, gatherings like this one and the period of mourning that follows are time for reflection on what endures. My Jewish friends have a saying in such times. “May his memory be a blessing.” May the gifts we gave to one another to celebrate his arrival, may the kindness and joy we shared be the way we honor him from now on. May his memory be an inspiration to us all and a reminder that love endures.
A second theme in the words of the apostle Paul speaks to the transformative power of agape. Of love. Paul says when I was a child, I thought as a child, I spoke as a child. But when I became a man, I put away childish things. When a new child arrives, we are forever changed for the better. We learn to become different people, to expand the ways we care for another soul as much as ourselves. It is as if we cross a threshold in our lives.
In that transition, crossing that threshold, we build a world that we are not the center of. We learn how good that can feel, and that we need not fear that we will lose our sense of self in that change. The self we see in the mirror, darkly. On the contrary. It is only upon crossing that threshold we begin to know the kind, caring, loving person we are destined to become.
Onyx has inspired all of you today to gather, to comfort each other, and to connect. We each have this power, within ourselves, to care for and love one another in his memory. He brought such joy and exuberance in his short visit here. Let that fill our hearts each day.
Let the love you feel for him be a creative force in your life and in the world. Ask “who has this child helped me to become? Who will I be for the others in my life?”
Love has this awesome power. The power to sustain us, if we stay open to it. This is how I suggest we remember Onyx Reid Orion. Let the love you have for this child, for one another, for a creator if you believe in one, and for yourselves be a creative force in your lives.
